Forty Something Parents

The Ins & Outs of Parenting

THE ART OF FORGIVENESS

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Any mother who has ever bonded with her child–and most-likely we all have–has come to learn the Art of Forgiveness.  And during the course of nurturing our kids into adulthood, we’ve likely noticed along the way that our kids don’t always inherite that same tendency to forgive; Which brings me to the other day.

My son turned twenty on the 26th, and if you’ve read my prior posts in this blog you see that I’ve been on the outs with my adult kids for a while now.  It all comes down to respect, knowing one’s place in the family status, maturity, being ‘kind’ to one another, and — yes…you guessed it — forgiveness.

Last month (it seems like so long ago to me), I had a disagreement with my oldest daughter ‘M’.  Well, it has long-been her practice to hold a grudge til it screams for her to let it go.  She doesn’t…ever!  She throws things up from the past, and more-often that not, it is a very distorted…one-sided recolection, at best. 

Enter my son.  He was somehow dragged into the disagreement between me and M.  They both linched me on Facebook…their ‘friends’ joined in the linching…so on and so forth, until I had to block them all.  I use FB mostly for business promo, so this was a major embarrassment.  Either way, it tore my heart out that my kids (especially my son…who had absolutely nothing to do with the disagreement), turned on me so furotiously. 

So…I have tried to move on and smooth it all over since then.  And all the while I ask myself ‘Why am I reaching out to them when they both disrespected me so vulgerly on FB?’.  It’s simple…yet complicated.  I forgive my kids no matter what they do to me…or say to me.  I love them and love is forgiving.

Trouble is, they aren’t forgiving…at all!  I contacted my son for his birthday, and he wasn’t having it. 

Yes…my husband (his step-dad) took up for me and told them both to stay away –since we have a very impressionable toddler to worry about teaching–until they learned respect and knew their bounderies…their places in this family.  It seems the kids are now trying to control the parents in many families across the country or world.  In my day, we wouldn’ve never…EVER talked to our parents like my kids have talked to me, nor would we have ever acted the way my kids have acted.  I loved my parents, which showed in my behavior. 

Now, I’m left to wonder–Do my kids even love me?  It’s not looking so much like they do.  How do I know?  They are bitter, full of hate for me, and most of all…unforgiving.  I might not have been the best mom in the world, but against the odds I was dealt way back when I was bringing them into adulthood (being a single mom with a manipulating ex husband and inlaws), it was me against the world.  There were too many people butting into our business, and I didn’t know until it was too late and my kids had already sided against me with other ‘friends’ who only wanted to be popular with other parents’ teens.  They hadn’t even grown up themselves!

Needless to say, this has been a uphill emotional battle with my kids.  No one knows my side of the story unless they read it here, because I choose not to air my dirty laundry on FB.  But…I have to let it out somehow.  So…here I sit and pour my heart out to readers of my blog.  And I find often that I’m just one in a million-billion Moms who have gone through so much for their kids…only to be stomped on when they grow into ‘kids in adult bodies’. 

I know my kids have a LOT of growing up to do!  I blame ‘Generation E’ (E meaning entitlement) on many of these dumb shows airing on ‘the WB’ or similar networks; these ‘teeny-bopper soaps’ where the youngsters are living posh lifestyles (courtesy of their parents’ hard work), driving fancy cars (Mom and Dad bought), and playing adult roles (they are way too young to handle).  I’d rather go the the dentist’s chair than watch such garbage. But that is what our young minds of tomorrow are absorbing.  Hog Wash!

Enough venting…

I just keep asking myself where I went wrong.  And often-times I can look back and see a lot of what I should’ve or shouldn’t have done.  Still, I’ve been told by my friends who have known me through-out my kids’ upbringing–friends with kids the same age, who have faced the same challenges, who really…really knew me–that perhaps I had spoiled my kids too much.  Looking back, this former room-mother, fashion designer/seamstress for my kids, bakery chef and host of two birthday-parties-a-year for 15+ years, nightly book reader, Mom who took my kids to work because their dad didn’t show up, diaper changer, feeder, soothing, nurturer, so on and so forth, just might have catered to my older kids a bit too much. 

The point is, there is no way…ever, that a Mom’s services-rendered can be listed.  The list is endless and it continues to grow no matter how old our kids.  And my third list, the one for my toddler, will be endless too.  That’s okay with me.  A mother never keeps tabs really, we just continue to do what we do; all the while hoping our kids will someday grow up to return the kindness and understanding…and the forgiveness

Moms have dreams too.

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Author: gypsyvinrose

Just a Vagabond Family who chooses not to fit into societal measures. We strive to live a simple life, below our means....somewhere out there, preferably Off the Grid. Our lifestyle and the way we live has often labeled us 'Gypsies', which in-part was the inspiration behind Gypsy Vin Rose --our folk and gypsy-soul vocal duo. My husband Nico and I write, compose, and perform all original songs about our experiences out there on the road...giving in to Wanderlust. Hear us at https://store.cdbaby.com/Artist/GypsyVinRose. When we're not writing new songs, I write books -- women's fiction, children's books...you name it! My latest work is Monday...Super-Fun Day; which teaches the days of the week to young readers. It is my first (and most rewarding) effort at illustrating in watercolors, and my debut children's picture book. On Sale Now! Order your copy at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, or where ever quality books are sold. Follow links from my author page at http://www.pennyespinoza.com. At this writing, we are winding-down on the renovation and remodeling of our once-trashed-out vintage travel trailer we rescued from a deer lease, which is now our lovely island bungalow 'Mermaid Mansion'. It has been an on-going saga since day-one, but a learning experience none-the-less. We invite you to step into our lives as we try to learn from our failures as well as our successes. After all...the journey is always the best part. May you find your path in life, as we are always seeking to do. Blessings and .V.. (Peace) GVR

8 thoughts on “THE ART OF FORGIVENESS

  1. Penny, I dont think any Mom could have explained this as Good as you did! You are so right & Its sad that us mother’s get taken for Granted so much by our kids. They tend forget all the good we do,& done, but they never forget the bad, especially when the good overloads the bad. Just wanted to say I totally understand where you are coming from. Love your Sis

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    • Thanks, Sis….for reading my blog. I know you know the inside story when it comes to our kids, and what goes on ‘behind the scenes’ so to speak. I just had to say something, because the pain is there and I miss my brats! lol I especially miss little JBear. I want to see him. It’s all so hard to take. Love you! Call me? I tried to call you, but no answer. I think I left a message? : )

      Like

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